It's already Thursday. Thursday? How can it be Thursday already??
I woke up in St.Louis again and it is another day I woke up without him. I feel like someone knocked the air out of me. It seems so hard to breathe without him.
Three years with someone building a life together, collecting stories and memories, sharing a life with someone and now it is over. It is done.
I miss him so damn much and I literally feel like my heart is breaking into a million unfixable pieces. He was my entire life. Every single day of my life was devoted to him. He was my everything.
I never thought I could fall so completely in love with someone else.
God, this hurts.
I did this though. I left him, my marriage, my home, my step-children and my puppy. I just never came home. I never got back on the train back to our life.
What kind of person does that? What kind of person walks out on their family.
I did. I gave up.
I felt like I couldn't fix it, make it better and walked away.
I lost all sense of faith and hope.
All I want to do is cry and hide where no one can find me.
He was the one.
I just want to tell him how much he means to me...how much I love him but it's over with and I did it. I didn't know how to fix it...how to fix us.
So I just gave up.
So today is the first day single and on my own. I need to learn how to love myself again. How to let go of all my bullshit to let someone love me.
Today is hard.
